10 Year Anniversary:: 3-6-2004

*My blog will be a lot more fun if you click on this link and listen while you watch my video at the end. I just came home from a 10 day event and we heard this song non-stop. I love it and may play it the whole day :)

In August 2000, on the 3rd day of college, Tim and I met. I literally wrote in my journal that day that I had met my husband. Little did I know, he did not even remember my name. Ironically enough, the entry the week before stated that I was not interested in dating anyone for a while.  Finally, by November, we had become friends and he asked me out on a date... on his birthday. The rest is history! We dated for 4 years, got engaged as seniors in college, and got married March 6, 2004 during our internships.

We have the best families, the greatest high school memories and lifelong childhood friends, and even ones we don't get to see that much we catch up like there is no lapse in time. We love all our family. Our families have taught us the biggest life lessons about people, positive and also negative. Sometimes the ones you love the most can fall away and cause the most hurt. We have learned a hurtful side of this world with broken relationships, but raise our kids in a way to always have a forgiving heart and leave a bridge for those that may come back in at some point in our journey. To live in peace and go about the path God has for your family. To say our parents are role models is an understatement. Yall are both a rock in our life. And some our our friends have become like family, it's neat how God does that.

 We graduated from North Georgia College and State University. Our college experience was so positive. We both loved our roommates, I was in a discipleship group throughout college with Stephanie and Jamie, we loved our friends there and were involved with a fraternity and sorority. Another thing I said I would never do, but ended up being Sorority President my senior year. I was an RA and lived on campus. I felt like my ministry was to freshmen women. We met more lifelong friends through college that we think about all the time. A couple by the names of Frank and Tanya were mentors to us through Campus Outreach who we would end up going on staff with after we got married and graduated. Our wedding was the best day of my life. Every single person there. I will have those memories forever.

We moved to Athens to do full time ministry at University of Georgia. We made new couple friends at church with the Bosleys who ended up being our best friends there. We went to church at Green Acres, Tim bought a motorcycle, we had students spending the night, and we loved our staff team. We spent a lot of time with Frank and Tanya, Cara Lea and Jim in our neighborhood, Tim tried cutting down his first tree and dropped it on our neighbors house. And for some reason we had more crap than we owned at that time then any point in our marriage. We renovated that house in Athens. Think that was our first love with real estate.

 We finished our 2 year commitment and Tim decided to take a job in Canton, Ga doing regional sales for a construction company. I was also pregnant with David so we were so excited about a new chapter. We moved to Canton and lived next to our best friends Greg and Jess. I joined a playgroup that I will always remember the sweet moms and our babies. Those were the women that I navigated into motherhood with and I love each of you! We made really good friends with some old friends of Tim's from Alpharetta that now lived in Canton: Peggy and Eric and George and Megan. We joined a small group that we loved and Mike and Emily hosted. We loved our neighbors 2 houses down, Kyle and Audrey, and we lived next door to a real live witch. She even gave us a spell for Christmas one year. We didn't know what to do with it so we put it in our grill. We loved to drive around and look at houses. We hated new construction, starting finding house projects, went apple picking, we were so close to mountains, and we did some camping. 2 of our kids born in that Canton house, little did we know we were 15 minutes from Z, the child we just adopted. His orphanage was near us and we had no idea he existed yet. Mackenzie was born and our babies learned to crawl and walk there. That home was a little haven and Tim and I became a family in Canton. We had a good bit of lows in that house from miscarriage and job loss after the construction sales company filed bankruptcy, but we sold our home and started over to find a different industry.

 After selling, we moved into Tims parents house to re-group. Tim found HVAC for his new career path, he got a full scholarship to get his degree, and a part time job until he finished. I did a lot of sidework, including cleaning houses off craigslist, to help make ends meet during our crazy time. We found Nellie Mae, a house my great grandfather built that had been a family rental. My parents said they would sell it to us and since we had no where else to go in our budget, we bought it. We moved to Marietta, renovated that insane house, found our church, we were near our family, our school system we would go to, and joined a small group. We still had parties in that crazy small 800 square foot house, we had to have it outside! I tried to have a garden, we had the best neighbors ever, started my super part time event planning career, and we got back into our ministry avenues with people. Hospitality was our deal and we were all about it. Nellie Mae and that season was refining and re-defining for us. It has memories of really hard work. Really hard manual labor work. We lost more babies there, but we grew closer to the ones we had and eachother.

 We got back on our feet and decided to rent it out and find another investment property. We found the Hope street house. We knew it was built for us. It had 12 offers the first day on the market and we got it. I knew it was for a purpose. For another child. For hospitality. The Hope Street house was a mess. We have renovated it slowly and at one point we were without a kitchen for 80 days. We finally watered the seeds of Adoption and God provided. Ben and Cristina and Haley and Jeff were our first friends and kids friends at church, our street and surrounding street has become some of our closest friends now, and almost everyone we live around goes to our same church and school. We have been in small groups non stop, me in a moms group, Tim has met with men, I plug in with moms at our kids schools, and we hunt down people. I love our community. This house has been a season of joy. More hard work and manual labor, but loving what we do.

 I know people say it takes a village to raise children, but it takes a village to stay married also. I could tell you a lot of lessons and mistakes Tim and I have learned, but I just want to share one really big thing. Tim and I have always surrounded ourselves with people. All the time. And not just fakey relationships, but real authentic people who ask how you are doing, keep you in check, and love you through all the crap you do. If thats not your thing, make it your thing. Be Brave. Be Vulnerable. Its a hell of a lot better than getting a divorce. I mean, really. The right people give you perspective, they push you on, they tell you when to bring in back in, they are the Body of Christ. Without Christ, our marriage would have fallen apart many times. We lost 5 babies, had many job losses, a career reset, moved along with major renovations, and just adopted a 7 year old last year. Tim and I operate very different. I am a structured OCD mess and he is a spontaneous risk-taking dare devil. But when we said I do before the Lord, God really did commence us as One. We are one in thoughts and actions and we function as a workforce together. When we do it, we go all in. The most important thing we said 10 years ago was not just "I do" to eachother, but to the Lord. I committed that day to follow Tim, but more importantly to God and and where He might lead Tim to go. There have been times when I didn't trust Tim and want to follow, but I knew I had vowed to God as well and that God would ultimately deliver us and also bless our obedience.

I love you Tim. I know we were made for each other. I love our life. 10 years later, I love you more and am so excited about where we are going. I am happy, like a real happy. We have learned contentment together and I feel like together we can conquer the world! We are taking a special family trip to Seaside at the end of the month as a new family of 5. Z has never been to the beach and we are so excited to share our favorite place on Earth with him.

 A few verses/thoughts that have meant a lot to us:
 Emmanuel, God with Us
 John 16:33 I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world 
 1 Co 9:25-27 All athletes are disciplined in their training. Therefore, I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. 
 Matthew 28:18 ALL AUTHORITY in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of age. 
 1 Co 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

HAPPY 10 YEARS TIMMY!! Here is a little slide show of some of our favorite pics!
*At the end, there is the one and only baby-ish pic I have of Z. At 5:38.

Fight or Flight : 90 Days In

To start, David and Mackenzie have been little champions as a brother and sister. I mean, when you really think about the reality of moving in a 7 year old permanently and saying, "Hey kids! Meet your new brother!", your kids are bound to rebel. And ours haven't. They really truly haven't. They have never asked if he could go back or go away. I was prepared for that, but is some mysterious God ordained way, they have loved him and literally taken him in as their sibling.
I remember when Mackenzie was born, watching David interact with her and the bond they shared. I thought I would melt every day. Well, multiply that by a million. Because watching your children choose to love a complete stranger as their sibling is pretty humbling and amazing. Adoption isn't natural. It takes everyone time, but I have been blown away by the fact that our family unit is intact and stronger than ever. Z is easy to love because he is happy, loving, and easy going. Under the surface, he has scars.

Fight or Flight. That is what we have battled the past month and are having victory in. It is continual new fights and flights that surface, but we are trying to keep our heads above water with it.

Z has never really ever had an official "diagnosis" of any kind. The most accurate "label", since everyone likes to have have those apparently, would be a sheer "lack of exposure". I have said before Z is very much like an international adoption where he seriously has no clue as to what is going on.... from Easter to blow dryers to knowing what backwards means, he doesn't understand. Many people believe Z is Autistic, on the high functioning end. We do not. When we were first told that in September, there is just something in us that just knew he wasn't. Not truly.

And more importantly, we didn't care. Who cares if he is?

But, what if he isn't? What if he ISNT? And what if he was never given a shot in life because of that label?

Anyway, after getting past all the special needs hoopla and people bewilderingly wanting to know why we would adopt a child like that, we did what we always do. What we wanted to.

We made him a Willis :)
I can't even bring you into the incredible boy that we now call son. He has overcome. Overcome more than any child you or I know. Every day he becomes more and more "normal" (whatever that is anyway).
I love seeing his "tendencies" go away. His abnormal behaviors eradicated. When a child is never given a chance to grow, an environment to do it in, and an advocating set of parents... how is it fair to say and diagnose what a child has?

We still pray and are believing and are seeing God heal him. And if we sound ignorant for that, then I am okay with that.

Let me tell you. Change has not come easy. A price. A big one. A huge, taxing, exhausting price. But, one that is priceless.

Children that are in foster care, DFCS custody, or legal orphans are often lacking HUGE milestones. They missed out. They lived in fear and were not taught how to properly do anything really. But, most importantly, how to process stress, fear, and new situations. The reason being because most of them continually lived in fear. Because of that, these children respond in the Fight or Flight modes because they don't have the tools and deep rooted security to operate normally.

Sometime shortly after he moved in, his fear came out full force. In a very toddler like fashion, Tim and I were being hit, kicked, spit on, head butted, and he would completely lose control and fall into the floor. His behaviors were never violent, but just impulsive and again, at the strength of a toddler. We were consistent and rigid, but all at the same time trying to be loving and nuturing... and the fights stopped.
His fear went away. He has trusted us. He knows we are safe. We are now just dealing with little nitty gritty behaviors that are mostly annoying and socially inappropriate. So, that's where we are in our journey.

The flight mode comes in and it is harder and way more emotionally exhausting than the physical. When he is socially overwhelmed, he will retreat to himself. And this is where the word "Autism" can come to bat. You see, the heart of Autism is that people choose themselves over others. And over their environment. And that is honestly why we don't believe Z is. He wants desperately to engage with others, he just has no idea how. He loves people and is always asking to go somewhere.
And also, the fact he was in isolation for so long and then in an orphanage, he was never even taught to engage with others. So, he struggles with how to do it.

The only way I know how to speak to this is to say, we go into flight mode with him. He can go into flight mode if he wants, but he is going to have a co-pilot. And I sure can be annoying :) So can my 2 mini co-pilots.
Tim and I go meet him in that moment. We bring him back in. Over and over and over. We give him tools, people skills, and basic conversation. And then he does it.

He has overcome and is overcoming his fight and flight response. There are some days, a lot of days, I seriously wake up and say, "Well damn. This is going to be really hard to do it all again." Tim and I about lose our marbles and then we gently have to bring it back. That is my mantra right now, "Bring it back in."

It is raw.
Now that I am sure I have talked everyone into adopting an older child that is possibly Autistic out of the system, let me tell you how blessed, how incredibly blessed, God has been to us.

At our breaking point, He steps in. Every time. Tim and I will hit a wall. And there God is. He gives you the grace you need in the moment. He shows you ugly parts of your heart that need to go away.
There is a beautiful refining not only happening inside Z's inward and outward body, but within the 4 walls of this home.

I love this child. I love him.
I love him as he was, as he is, and who God is going to make him. That is a mothers heart to the core I think. You love your child. And you just dont give a rip about anything else. Mostly, I love him enough to fight for him, even against himself.

I am grateful to be tracking and pushing forward with him. I would be worried if we weren't seeing this. He is dealing with and grieving his life and his past and all at the same time bonding with us and accepting our love. We are in it, folks.

His words are more and more frequent, his behaviors are less and less, and our love grows more and more. I cannot wait to keep reading your story Z.  God is seriously amazing.  I know He is with us. He is here. He cares for the orphans in distress and he sets the lonely in families. And quite surely, He is my daily bread right now.

So, who wants to come over for dinner?!

60 Days into Adoption

A week ago, Tim and I were sitting next to each other on the couch. Post : dinner, bath, and bedtime for kids. As we sat in complete exhaustion of tag teaming 3 wild children and putting them to bed, we were staring at the ceiling.
I said, "Do you realize we are a week away from hitting the 60 day mark with Z moving in?"
Tim, "No way."
"Yeah.... I know."

We both were thinking the exact same thing. We feel like he has been with us forever. For years. We have already been through so much. Accomplished so much. Had so many experiences, moments, battle of wills, and lessons.

How is it mathematically possible he has been here only 60 days?

You don't know what you really have in you until you are put to the test with a child.
A sweet and innocent child.
But, a dark and scary past.
A bright and hopeful future.
But, a dim past full of holes.

Still more questions that answers.

But, more hope than the reality of circumstances.

Seeing past, for real, what is being un-earthed in this boy.

Tim has said it well several times, "We are extracting out the normal child that is in Z. It is in there. It is hard to find. But, we have seen it and will bring it out."

In September when we met Z, there was minimal communication. I think the only things we heard him say that entire month was, "Spongebob Squarepants." He would repeat anything you would ask him (echolalia). Still, upon meeting him, he would make long eye contact with us. He was so at home with us. We were so at home with him. We knew he was ours. And, I think he knew we were his.
Z has lived in an isolating silent little world. I think because he really had no true peers to ever have relationships with, he lived in fear from his past, and no real constant care giver or "person" in the picture over some huge developmental years.

After months of asking him questions, working on communication, teaching him what a conversation is, but mostly building a safe environment for him to want to communicate.

We had a milestone today. Its like he knew it was the 60 day mark and we needed it.

We had a correct, appropriate, memory driven, self generated thought and conversation at dinner.

Each night at dinner, we have a question we ask every night. Every night. The kids don't let us forget. It was a family tradition of Tim's that was passed down to us 10 years ago when we got married. Even as a family of 2, Tim would ask me every night. The standing question, "What was the best thing that happened to you today?"

So, nightly since Z has been with us, he would mainly sit silent. After a month of it, he would start responding with something silly. Like, "I like pizza" or "Where's Holly?" (our dog) or "Red lights are for cars".
A few weeks ago, he started answering, but was making stuff up or repeating something he had heard. Like "I went on the swings today" when I knew he hadn't or "I went to the park today" and we had not gone.

Well tonight. Yes, tonight. Z shocked us all.
It got to his turn. Would you know that little stinker looked at us dead in the eye and said,
"Well.... I had goldfish for snack. Then, I had tag class and went to Ms Colesons room and played with legos."
After Tim and I picked ourselves up off the floor, I asked him, "Well what did you build with the legos?"
He said, "I built red lights and army men."

I immediately sent his teacher an email to see if any of the above information had actually even happened.

It did. It all did.

We had a breakthrough. A 60 day nightly breakthrough.
And it was so awesome.

That is one of the many breakthroughs we are having with him.
When Z first moved in, I tried to "create all these moments" with him and David and Mackenzie. I would plan and orchestrate activities, moments, and ideas for them.
No one was feeling it. It wasn't organic.
I knew I needed to back off and just let it happen. So I prayed that.
And prayed that really believing that the prayers of the righteous avail much.
And a couple of weeks ago, David grabbed Mackenzie's hand and went up to Z and said, "Come on guys, lets go play mail man." They followed him and it was cute. They had a mailbox on our playhouse where they would drive up on a bike or ride on toy and deliver mail. It opened in the back an they all took turns mailing each other something. It was the most beautiful thing to watch. They laughed. They played. Z talked to them and they understood every word he said.

It is those sweet, rich, meaningful moments that really get you through the pit.
The pit you have had to go in and retrieve your child. They are stuck in a pit and you have to pull them out.

We are not out of the pit or by any means out of the woods, but we are seeing light.
A bright, glaring, glorious light.
And it keeps everything in you pressing on.

To God be the continual glory for saving this boys life!!!

Wrecking Ball Faith

Some days we struggle with feeling so mean. Although every change that has happened to our new son is positive, it is change. His life literally went from one extreme to the other. He has had major transition and the things that he once found security in are gone. He is now being taught to have relationships with people, not objects or himself. He is responding really well, but does have moments of grieving.

We have had to completely go through demolition in his little life. Wipe out the bad habits, behaviors, anti-social tendencies, bad responses, ect. And replace it with all good things. A family, a general education school environment, a home, friends, a schedule, normal meals, and structure. Even though these are all positive changes, they are things being implemented for the first time in 7 years. And whether they are positive or not, they are new. And we have ripped out and done demolition on what he once thought was life. There is a beautiful transition happening in the middle of our construction site with this child.

We know it is for his best interest and he seems to trust that. This story we are living out reminds me so much of our own journey. It has given me great perspective on where people are and the mission we are really on. Our job to love others. Our job to show others Christ. But, in order to do that, you have to meet them in the middle of their mess. To adopt a child you have to take them as is. There isn't a layover place for them. So you either adopt and take them in or you don't.

Why are we so shocked by peoples sin? Why?
Even with my own son right now, would I expect his behavior to be any different than what it is? His behavior can be offensive  to many, but is that surprising? It would be out of David or Mackenzie, but not Z. A child that has never had a family and had severe neglect, isolation, and abuses of different kinds, then institutionalized for 4 years...... would I be shocked by any behavior I see? No.

So, why, why then? Why do we as Christians act shocked, surprised, judgmental, condescending, and better than others? Especially at people who do not have the Lord as their Savior. How is it fair?
Romans 1:28
Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. 
Let me translate that simply: If they are are not walking with the Lord, their walk will look the opposite of that. People that choose their way have been given over to their will.

They do not have a new heart. So, they are not to be held at the same standards. I cannot hold Z to the same disciplines as I hold my other 2 children at. It's not fair because his eyes are just being opened. He knows no different. But, we can pray for these people and those changes we want. We know that, "the prayers of the righteous avail much." James 5:16. I had a very neat lady that serves as the Special Education director here in our city share that with me about Z. I know I am his biggest advocate. At home, school, and now in his life. And that is what makes us his parents. How much more does our heavenly Father love us, fight for us, and advocate for us?

In the same way, when we see heinous, disturbing, sinful things in the media, celebrities, our neighbors, our spouse, children, or anywhere...... if they have not been transformed and entered a life changing relationship with our Maker, then what right do we even have to speak to that?

To take it one step further, what about the people that do know better? The ones that have claimed to know the Lord, yet live a double life? Let me just tell you I do know this: You are not the one that is going to change their heart, that is the Lords job. If you are unable in a loving way to continue a relationship despite where that person is, I would say the sin falls in your camp. I think there are only a few unsafe situations and those go without saying. It is the Lord who changes hearts and we stand in the gap to speak truth, love, and pray for them.

In the meantime, you will see some peoples life go to shreds. A real life wrecking ball do demolition and watch them loose everything they once had.

Maybe, just maybe, the Lord is tearing down the old, to replace it with something so much better. Isaiah 64:8, But you, O Lord, You are our Father. You are the clay and you are our potter. And all of us the work of your hand.
So, instead of taking a step back from these people, talking about them, thinking they have destroyed their life......

It may be one of the most beautiful things to watch. You may be at the very camp site of where God has set up.  Because sometimes the Lord has to break and clear out the old ways to make a way for what He is going to do and build.

When I see destructive sin, I see an opportunity for the Lord. For us as believers. I am drawn to it. Not out of gossip and fascination, but out of pleading it is the Lords work.

Next time you see caution or crime tape and you naturally don't want to go in, I dare you to cross over anyway. When people do that, lives are changed.
Sometimes a wrecking ball is the very thing we all need.

Adversity

One of our favorite restaurants in downtown Marietta is Taqueria Tsunami. It has a huge variety of really fun tacos. Our kids love it as well. At the end of the meal, they bring you fortune cookies. We always have a good time with how silly they are. We usually never get serious ones so it is funny.
On our last visit there, my fortune read: 
 Adversity willingly undergone is the greatest virtue.

 Touche, little fortune cookie, touche.

Tim and I laugh about our crazy journey a lot because out of all the hardship and suffering we have had that was out of our control, we have now entered a place where we go down chosen roads that are very difficult. We steer our life towards it.

We may be sick people.
Ha!

We have more plans for 2014 that would be considered difficult and a path of adversity. I have learned that you don't owe anyone an explanation for it. To each his own.
Anyway, a verse I love and am praying for 2014 is John 16:33.
In this world you WILL have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

We are promised trouble, but we are given help. And more importantly, we are given HOPE.

In light of our adoption, that is where we find ourselves. With help. And with hope.

Things are going well and we are having more good days than bad. It is truly amazing to watch a life literally be transformed. We have a lot of appointments set up for January for our little fella and we are continually optimistic that we have put him on a road to healing. It has really been perfect timing with adopting him in the middle of the holidays. With school being off, Tim not working a crazy amount, and so many festive things to do.... our family has really settled in and had a great time together. On the same note, January is bringing in some normalcy. Christmas can be a little overwhelming and for our little guys first one, all of the crazy needs to settle. Someone gave us some great advice to take videos of him, as well of photos, to literally see the difference in him months from now. I can already see them and its so cool.
He is becoming so responsive. So aware. And his happiness is crazy. He makes us laugh so much and we have nicknamed him "Skippy" because he is SO happy to go out and run errands he normally skips every place we go.
It took David and Mackenzie a long time to figure out why in the world he was bursting with excitement to go to the grocery store.

Blessings to everyone in the new year! I want to challenge you, as continually doing with my own family, to not make plans and decisions based on what will make your life easy. Don't let adversity slow you down or change your mind in moving forward.

We have found almost every time walking straight into it has brought some of our greatest moments. And if anything else, has made life a whole lot more fun :)

Cheers to 2014!!