Our GOTCHA day isn't quite as romantic as most peoples..... in fact, we will probably just celebrate Zach's finalization day, Aug. 13, because that was so monumental going to court, getting his new name (middle and last name) and then celebrating.
Our GOTCHA day was messy. We had been visiting Zach quite a while in his orphanage. We had to abide by DFACS visitation and did day visits first, an overnight visit, weekend visitation, and so on. Something of course was holding up the final move out, but we managed to have him for 10 straight days over last years Thanksgiving. Then, unfortunately, we had to return him. I hated that weekend.
It made no sense, no common sense, to be forced to take him back. But, we had to. There was a hold up in his paperwork for permanent placement and it was one of the worst drop offs we had, for me and for him. It felt mean. I feel like we were adding more trauma to the little guys life. I had it out with DFACS and everyone I could call and finally a few days later, on December 4, 2013, we picked Zach up for the last time. And this time he didn't go back.
It took him a long time to understand that. For several months any time we would get in the car, he would get anxious, ask where we were going, and go into his self coping talks and tell himself, "It's okay, Zach. You are with your family forever. You are staying here."
Ugh. It broke my heart.
So, you might be able to see why we probably won't celebrate our GOTCHA day. The place that we got him from is not a life we want him to continually remember and think about every year. There are so many new things for Zach to understand, including all of the holidays and especially his birthday, that we will just recognize his adoption finalization day.
There are things for us that are very difficult to remember about Zach. Which is crazy how far he has come. It seems surreal. I tell people this often, but God had "blinders" on us when we met Zach. He had to of. There is no way in our right minds that we could see straight during that. We had complete blind hope and faith that the child we met was not going to be the child he stayed. We did accept it though.... we accepted him at his worst and that was tough.
I wish we had a pretty story.... that 1 year later our life is just complete, perfect, and we are the happiest we have ever been. And that adoption is beautiful and our hearts burst with joy every morning. I could tell you that, and you might believe me, but its not quite accurate.
I will tell you these truths though. Zach is a changed kid. Zach is a child that is healing continually. The sky is truly the limit for him. Zach still perplexes every medical professional that sets eyes on him because he is a domestic institutionalized orphan and those aren't supposed to exist anymore. Zach continually does things people said that he couldn't. Zach is attached, bonded, and loves being in our family. He talks about each family member and he is obsessed with David and Mackenzie. Zach, from the outside looking in, is a normal little boy who is super adorable and easily warms up. Zach is strong willed. He has started having opinions, arguing, whining, crying, complaining, expressing thoughts, ideas, asking questions, laughing a lot, getting jokes, playing games..... none of those things a year ago. It looks much like a 2 year old at times watching him learn to have self control. He is smart. He is reading and writing and able to do most all of the 1st grade curriculum. He went from not interacting with peers at all to now he is very much attune to his peers and seeking relationships with them.
We are a better family. Tim and I parent all three kids so different now, so much better. When you have a child from trauma, you do things different. I think the past year we have been in lockdown at our home and not had time for anything else. We went "all in" and as our small group leader said, "our rally cry" was to integrate Zach into our family and school.
School was the hardest part of this year. We love our neighborhood public school and moved here because of it, but immediately faced challenges when we adopted Zach. We dealt with many difficult outside people, high up people within our district, and even other parents. We adored the teachers and staff, but could not get our district to get on board with helping him. We simply wanted Zach to be in a general ed classroom with services and accommodations. We were forced to stand up for him in a very public way and pave a path for him and because of this battle..... it was well worth it.
I am happy to report, Zach is now in a general ed 1st grade classroom with the services he requires to be successful... and doing very well. He is learning and growing and acquiring new skills very quickly. He is being treated consistently, carefully, and moving quickly in the right direction. I never saw school being so hard, but I feel as though just as we had to JUMP all in and change Zachs trajectory for the way his life path was headed.... we had to do the same for where his education was headed.
We are proud to be Zachs parents. I knew right away I was made to be this boys mother and had what it took to get his life back (all because of who Jesus called me to be and the tools in which he gave me) I was told some nasty things this year about my new son. Things like:
"We don't have kids like your kid here at our school"
"He is one of those kids from the foster care system, right?"
"If you don't like the way our school is, then get out."
"Do you know that moms requested their children to not be in his class?"
"What's wrong with him?"
"He is probably just autistic."
"That was so nice of yall to adopt him"
To all of those people..... Let me see if I can cover it quick. First, it is not the 1960s.... it is 2014 and if you want to discriminate on who you educate, go right ahead. You will find yourself in court. Public schools educate every race, gender, and disability. To the other parents campaigning against a 1st grader, Shame on you. And nice people don't adopt. Nice people take cookies to their neighbors.... please don't tell us we are nice. I just can't hear that anymore, I actually don't feel even a little bit nice. Insane might be a better word for us that we felt God called us to adopt a special needs 8 year old. And to everyone else trying to diagnose him, the reason you don't know what's wrong with him is because the child was abandoned by his mother and left in an orphanage until we found him. That's whats wrong with him.
So, how about 2015? This year we have been in the intensive care unit. We have fought. We have gotten messy. We have had to persevere like never before with all systems. We have had to make it work, figure it out, and bust our tails to put one damn foot in front of the other.
And let me tell you. God surrounded us by a community of warriors. Real people. Authentic people. You know who you are. People who gave up every bit of their time and resources to make sure we didn't give up or give in. People who stood right next to me through this, people who reached out to me and just loved us, and again.... all the help that came from every angle. I would need something or some resource and BOOM, we would have it. Texts, emails, and friends fighting on my behalf. I told some of my friends I saw their scary side this year :) We feel loved. We are going to not just make it, but we are going to probably raise some pretty amazing little people because of all of this. God's people are mighty. And David and Mackenzie have become little champions. I have hardly even posted about either of them and need to dedicate several more posts to them, but they are incredible. They love Zach and are also fiercely protective of him. They sure do know how to love people.
And God was with us in miraculous ways. This isn't the story I thought we would have, but I feel honored that God called me to it. He equips his people, no doubt. He brings in the angel armies when you need them, he gives you strength when you don't have it, and he never ever lets HOPE fade away.
1 Year in the books, Zach. I think we did pretty well. Lets see what the next 12 months will bring us.... we are ready! We pray daily for you, that above all else, your heart would be open to Jesus and he will heal, guide, and protect you in all the ways we can't. You complete our family, Zach, and we love you so much.
I pray all who read this today would love deeply. Is loving those easy to love what love really means? Loving those who are difficult to love and then in return they start to love and reciprocate it.... that is a beautiful love story to me. And that kind of love changes lives.
I have met so many woman recently who have been through similar situations and wanted to share this in hopes of encouragement. Partial molar...
By faith, we will be a family of 5 or 6 on this Earth in the coming days. We are adopting a child or children out of the foster care system ...
I am 29 and I have had 4 pregnancies and 1/2 a dozen babies. Only 2 of them so far God has chosen to give us on Earth, so I think I might n...
Happy 9th Birthday, Zach! I have been working on writing Zach's adoption story for a long time. I have had a writing block. I haven...
Today, I want to write about the 48 hours before our adoption finalization. Zach, I hope you read this one day. Mommy and Daddy love you. Da...
November 14, 2000....Tim asked me out on our first date on HIS birthday! March 6, 2004....We exchanged vows and started our life together Ma...
A week ago, Tim and I were sitting next to each other on the couch. Post : dinner, bath, and bedtime for kids. As we sat in complete exhaust...
Our Story of Loss Part 4 I know most people blog about rainbows and roses, and though we have had many of those, I like to share the real...
Summer being a full time mommy is hard to explain! The first word that comes to mind is exhausting, but in the same hand it can be relaxing....
We have hit the 15 month mark with having Zach. We have hit the 2 month mark with Tim's company. Both seem incredibly unbelievable...