3/7/16

Why We Are a Mess

This has been a crazy month.
Tim's company won New Dealer of the Year. We somehow in our mess of a life ended up on the cover of our community magazine. (Article under family tab)
We've had a lot of opportunities to serve, lead, and give.
Zach is doing well, but I get panicky when I hear people mention he has healed or they have done all they can do. He is so close, yet still has such glaring difficulties and differences. We push harder than ever because we have seen him overcome everything presented, so we are always upping the ante.
Tims business is doing better than I could have dreamed, yet I still find myself asking questions I did even when we were at the bottom. Are we going to be okay? Is this really going to work? Should I work more? Or work less? Am I available enough to my children or am I so spread thin I don't give enough to them? Why is parenting so hard? Why is laundry so hard? Why do I feel like a crazy mess some days paralyzed by which chore to do first, which email to respond to next, and why is there dinner every. single. night. I can get really overwhelmed by the order in which things need to be done. Then, in my do it all mentality, I find something more important to give my time to and then end up stressed out about why I can't get it done.
I need timers. I need goals. I need books. I need regular self care. I need hard lines. I need to say no more.
But, then what? If I become this well oiled machine who can just make it all happen flawlessly, then what? We look for opportunities to be involved in messy situations.
My youngest this weekend was exposed to homelessness up close. Tim was driving home from work and literally saw a family sitting on the side of the road. The mother crying and sitting on black trash bags, holding her 2 small children, and a half empty gallon of milk next to them. The husband sat with his face buried and held one hand in the air for help. Tim said it was like something out of a movie and told me everything inside of him just pulled over and gravitated towards this family. They were out of everything. Out of money. Out of work. Out of a car that was impounded. And kicked out of where they were staying. Mainly, they were out of hope. I could go on and tell you all about this family, why you should feel sorry for them and make a case for them, but it doesn't matter. We have always felt called to help and apparently so are others.....
Would you believe within 8 hours from one social media post asking for the community to lend some help..... that enough money was raised to put them in a week long hotel, get them food, clothes, and toiletries, and buy their family of 4 bus tickets to take them straight back to their home town in Houston to re-join a community and family that could help them?? Tim dropped them off on their bus last Tuesday at midnight and they made it back home. I just can't get them out of my head.
Amazing, right? Most of these donors over the past few days have families, jobs, many things grabbing their time, but so many people in the moment ditched their plans and brought food, a temporary phone, luggage, money, toilet paper.... whatever was needed to get this family back home. My youngest shed tears for them when she realized the gravity of what she had and others had to live without basic things.
If you are a planner, plan away. If you draw hard lines, draw them. If you have a cleaning schedule (I hate all you cleaning schedule people and your highlighted days and chores), clean away. But, what can change the way we love people is our adaptability. Wreck your plans, wreck your schedule, and embrace the crazy from time to time saying yes to helping someone out. You see, those people we think that we are helping and see them as "God ordained" opportunities are really being used on us. They quickly change our "Ugh! Dinnertime again, what are we going to eat!?", "These kids are driving me crazy!" "This house is so messy, I'll never catch up!" to a different tune. To no tune actually. Walking with a family through this will silence your heart. It will silence it and bring you back. You will not re-bound by hanging up your thankful list or feeling good about yourself. You will simply realize that the world is bigger than you. Than what problems you perceive that you have. That these gestures of help and living in actual community, will teach your children more about life and Jesus that you try and do within your 4 walls.
So, here's to messy life. It reminds me of the Rich Young Ruler in Matthew 19 that could not give his wealth away. I think the same principle applies. Don't make your life so busy you feel you can't help. Go against the grain and invite people into the mess. It starts by having people over and not cleaning and making it perfect. Next time people come over, leave all your laundry in a pile to fold. Leave dirty dishes in the sink. Don't wipe off the counter. If you can learn to expose your mess and embrace people anyway, you will embrace them no matter what you have going on.

xoxo

1 comment:

Cristina Hartman said...

I LOVE this and I love you. All so true. I love how y'all seek God and serve and love all day every day.

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