2/2/11

Grieving Lost Plans

God has really blessed and answered many prayers over here. But first and before I dive into our future, I wanted to post about how I have been processing our past a little...
Everyone has hopes, dreams, and desires for their future. Sometimes, for whatever reason, God choses a different path and answers prayers differently. In our eyes, sometimes the plans are better, sometimes they are worse, and sometimes it makes no sense.

Either way, if you walk with the Lord, you know that He is good. You know that He will provide, take care of you, and give you the best for your life. Your circumstances may be opposite of that, but you know that He is with you and is Lord of your life. Even when things have been at the bottom for us, we have hope that God is with us. I constantly have just claimed Emmanuel: God With Us, for the past year of our lives. Because even though we have not had the answers and our future looked not so bright, we knew God was with us. And knowing that can give you the peace that passes all understanding.

All that to say, I have really learned in a healthy way to grieve plans that are lost. I think that it's healthy. You think life is supposed to be a certain way, and when you are wrong.... you have to let go and say goodbye to what you thought your plans were. Just like you would grieve a death of a loved one, it's okay to grieve things, hopes, and wishes that maybe aren't coming true yet. Do you give up hope? No. But, it is a constant reminder that "You Lord, are in control and Lord of my life. I grieve my disappointment that things aren't going my way."

I've had to grieve and let go of a lot. Yes, many babies, but even after miscarriages: the due dates, milestones, and seeing others progress in front of you. Moreso than that kind of loss, the loss of where you thought you would be. I am 29, is this where I wanted to be with my life? I know so many who are dealing with loss of so many things: losing health of yourself or a loved one, losing a house, losing a job, losing a mother, losing the battle of fertility, losing the abilty to have more children, losing the control of when to have more children, losing the "security" of your 5 year plan.
Grieve those things.
I have had to grieve the loss of tims job, the loss of our house, the loss of the new house we almost signed a contract on the day before tim lost his job. The loss of community we had in our old neighborhood. The loss of friends due to distance. The loss of friends b/c I don't think some can handle my life. The loss of being where I "thought" we should be when we were almost 30.

I share all this as a lesson learned in hindsight for me. Everytime our plans have fallen through, I have grieved them, been sad about them, tried to learn from them, and asked God to give me more hopes and dreams.... knowing they may or may not come true. If I had not grieved all the loss and changes we have gone through, I really might be a crazy person. Some might still argue that =)
But, it is so healthy. And you will feel a little dumb to grieve something that is intangible. But, you have to let go, move on, and tell God you are still on board. And you are ready for more. Because as my mama always says, "And this too shall pass..."
Let them pass.

If you hang on to those things, they will always follow you around. You will constantly ask, What If? And say, Well if this would have happened... And you will carry around your fallen-through plans and be bitter.

Life is too short to be bitter. Jesus has hopes to make you prosperous and successful. For us, He has. He has shown up in a big way. And I am grateful I have grieved every loss along the way. It makes His blessings that much more of a blessing. And we learn to give thanks, no matter what the circumstances.

This may not make sense to some, but for many.... it's right where you are.

2 comments:

whiteallover said...

Love you Jen! Can't wait to look back on all this and eat bon bons.

Cecilia said...

I've been able to relate to so much you've posted lately. I hope things are looking up and you get some time to breathe in the flux.

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